Watering Weeds

I rather like dandelions. I enjoy the fields of yellow flowers in springtime.

Others in my life have a different view of them. Some others in my life have even been known to hate them so much they will poison the ground with dangerous chemicals in order to get rid of them. I understand that some kinds of impatiens are considered a weed in certain parts of the world, while we spend big money to transplant them into our gardens here.

What seems a weed to some, seems rather inoffensive, even desireable to another. But the best argument I've heard about distinguishing between a weed or not, is whether a plant is invasive. That is, does it take over and choke out other, more beneficial or desirable plants?

Personally I think grass is highly overrated - but the argument that dandelions are bad because they choke out and replace grass makes some sense to me.  

As I was watering some vegetables in my garden the other day, it occurred to me that I don’t always recognize which plants are weeds. They all got watered nonetheless.

And then I had this thought: 

"Be careful what you water in the garden that is your life."

You can cultivate all sorts of things - but just because they're green, or even have flowers, doesn't mean that they are completely good.

I realize that little habits in my life might come to resemble watering weeds.

In some ways I'm fortunate that my weeds are not the big vices like gambling or drugs or porn. Eventually most everyone knows those are weeds and comes to recognize how easily they take over, though they can be ever so difficult to uproot.

While I've been spared the destructiveness of the more obvious vices, there are those kinder, gentler weeds, less thorny ones, that aren't even always clearly weeds, that exist in my life and easily get watered. Sometimes it's because I really don't recognize them as weeds. Sometimes it's because I'm too tired or distracted to discriminate. 

For me, one of those weeds might best be called "living in the future". I'm prone to spending rather a large amount of time thinking about the future, and part of it has paid off handsomely for me. I'm usually a few steps ahead of things in life, anticipating and managing problems before they arise, planning well, and making decisions that account for a range of possible outcomes. I research. I take pride in being prepared, and a little secret pride in being more prepared than the next guy.

But like most innocuous weeds, what seems like a pleasant bit of greenery can become so much more. And "living in the future" can easily start to take over more and more of your conscious moments, taking you from the present, into the "what ifs?" of tomorrow.

Sometimes those "what ifs" are anxious. I know a lot of people for whom this is the case. Lots of days my future orientation is not anxious, but rather creative and imaginary. Which can make it even harder to recognize as a weed. I'm prone to spend a lot of time thinking about "the next thing". The next house, the next job, the next project, the next vacation, the next idea, the next big change...

This "next thing" kind of plant can live quite nicely in amongst the rest of the garden of my mind. But I've also noticed it has a tendency to behave like a weed as it starts to take over and dominate my thinking. Rather than enjoy and be present with what's happening now, my mind is always inclined to move on and push towards "progress". The joys of the present so easily get choked out by things that could or might happen someday.

How much beauty, how much goodness, how much of the presence of the Divine do we miss because our preoccupation with the future has taken over?

I think one of the ways we water these weedy thought habits is by spending time with them.

Neuroscientists have demonstrated that a rough correlation exists between how much time and practice you put into thinking something, and a corresponding physical change in neural networks. We strengthen the thought patterns that we practice. We are literally formed by the thought habits we have. The more time you spend thinking about the future, the more readily available those thoughts become, and more likely they are to be accessed. 

But beyond simple repetition, I think we water our weedy thought habits when we experience them as successful. Success reinforces us both in achieving a positive outcome, and avoiding a negative one. When we plan ahead, such as thinking through every detail of an upcoming event and it goes well, we feel our efforts were justified, effective, and maybe even responsible for creating the happiness we experienced. Worrying often has the same tendency to create an illusion of it’s own usefulness in avoiding a negative outcome. We often assume that by anticipating a something bad happening, if it fails to occur, that our worrying was warranted and useful. And while both of these may have an element of truth, the down side of it is that we are reinforced in our habit of being future focused, and without realizing it, it can start to become a lifestyle of the mind. Success makes us tempted to water the weeds without realizing exactly what it is that we are cultivating. 

Beautiful but invasive things can take over. And it’s not that there’s necessarily anything so wrong with dandelions. But it seems that humans flourishing requires a certain amount of diversity. Weeds, by their invasive nature, choke out diversity and one species takes over and dominates. Just as a good garden requires a diverse range of plant species, our mental and emotional health seems to require a certain diversity of thought life. We must be careful not to let thoughts about the future or the past take over and choke out our ability to be in the present moment. 

I can live with a few dandelions. Thinking ahead is fine and good. But I have to watch what I'm watering. I have to be aware of how easily a pretty yellow flower can take over.