It takes a village to raise a marriage

I had a weird reaction the other day when I took my girls to Disney on Ice. 

Maybe it was the euphoria of thousands of children giving me some kind of energy.

Maybe it was the joy of my own daughters being thrilled by something.

Maybe it was just that old Disney magic.

Nope. I think I figured it out. 

It happened during a scene from Beauty and the Beast. The skating figures were re-enacting the part where various characters from the castle (a clock, a candlestick, a tea cup, a tea pot - all of which are given human qualities and talk) are interacting with Belle and the Beast. What got me was the way these characters were going back and forth between the two young lovers helping them negotiate their way through a typical relational issue. Of course, as is true of so many fairy tales, the issue centers around a simple misunderstanding. But it struck me, that so much of what confounds us in marriages starts with simple misunderstandings and the hurt feelings that follow. 

Wisely, the characters around Belle and the Beast attempt to help them see the misunderstanding that has taken place, and encourage openness to reconsidering how things "really are". 

My emotional reaction to all of this was the beauty of having good friends surrounding a relationship and helping it along the way. When the Beast (fitting character eh?) is full of bluster and blow, his friends remind him of things that soften and open him to re-engaging his beloved.

I know divorce is complicated. I know the studies, and the host of explanations for our escalating divorce rates...most of which have good merit and explanatory power. I witness the ugliness of it in my day job. 

But this  I wonder;  what would our marriages (or our relationships in general for that matter) look like if all of us were surrounded by friends who helped us see, helped talk us down when we needed it? 

How much quicker would I be to break through the insularity of my own assumptions if I had friends intimately involved in my life, helping me to see that things are different than I believe them to be?

How much less time would I have wasted in my marriage being distant or angry, if a kind friend would remind me that my wife is not out to get me when she overfills the garbage bin (again). This doesn't have to be some kind of weird cult-like utopian society. A few months ago a friend of mine made an honest confession to me about his marriage, and it caused me to see how I too make a similar error. He didn't have to be a marriage counselor, just close enough to me, that authenticity could shed some light on my own life.

Beauty and the Beast reminds me of the importance of life together. That marriages might have a better chance in a marriage-hostile culture if we all lived in authentic community with each other. We might come to regard the "Beasts" in our lives differently if a nurturing community was along side of us reflecting on how our assumptions about each other fail us, and cause us to miss the beauty that lives in all of us.